you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
