be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
