Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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