it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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