I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
