It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
