And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
