I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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