dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
