she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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