i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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