how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
