I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
