i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
