Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
