you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
