This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
