he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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