Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
