just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
