So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
worst night to have a conscience
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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