About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
