If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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