My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
