I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
