we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
