Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
