i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
