I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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