Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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