For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
