yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
