She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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