I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
