I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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