that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
