just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
