How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
