why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
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I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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