All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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