I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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