ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
