Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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