I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
