Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
