It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
