I cut my penus on the lid.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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