he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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