Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
