What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
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I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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