According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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