Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
