everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
