his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
