I bet he comes in French.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
