Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
