my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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