I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Panties = found
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
