I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
