Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
