I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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