i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
