There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
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2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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