his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
