u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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