Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
