i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
