ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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