So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
