Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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