Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
