discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
