You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
