I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
